ThatThought
Assalamualaikum, Salam Sayang.
Here we are again, but 1st!! For M.D.A members, this writting maybe a " TW ". Yet, I'm glad that I've found M.D.A . This time might be a bit tense writting. That thought that I wanna talk about is a " Suicidal Thought ". A thought that familiar with all M.D.A. This one, I would like share bout it.
Recently " That Thought " a.k.a (TH) being with me every hour in my daily. Yea, I know that some of it had every hour, yet every second. I feel you my friends. Really upleasant feelings right? Tired?. yea. I Deeply understand that.
Well, I also feels the same. Feels like wanna " THROW " myself away. Feels like I'm keep burdening everyone aroud me. For me, when TH in the red zone, I'll go to the airport (Kepala Batas), try to put myself back ( Usually falied, trust me FAILED).
Why airport? cause it took me 30 minutes plus to make me to reach Kuala Kedah (The Place I Seek for the best place to THROW myself). People will said that " Eh tak ada iman kaa?, tak ingat tuhan kaa?, ni islam kaa tak? ". Yet some told me that " If you had TH, we're no longer family, kalau macam ni lagi, dah takat sini sahaja ". When I'm at airport, the chances for me to " do it" really damn high.
Sorry to say, but those words will trigger me up to do more " Genius" actions than wise one. This is not the way to coop a person who really facing this type of thing or illness. Trust me, WE DON'T WANT THIS, WE'RE SO TIRED BOUT THIS, WE'RE FIGHTING AS FCUKING AS WE CAN EACH DAY!! EACH DAY!!! NON-STOP!!! in EVERY SECOND in our life.
You'll regret bout it. Mental illness is no joke. The last things we wanna do is to kill ourselves. We miss our " Old Self ". For me, I really miss my old me. A person who full with cheers and laugh. Will turn others tears to a smile. But what's the point if myself unable to be happy as well?
I'm not blaming anyone, just please don't take it easy bout TH. Yet, for those who know I'm at the airport without any purpose or just a cover word ' Ambil angin'. Do please don't leave me alone. For you, Yes you. the one who I adore even till now, i try my best to get your heart. Please, you know me, I'd told you how to keep me come, the touch that I need the most day bt day.
Illahi, yaa rabbi..guide us.
For those who really deeply purely ( I Repeat again ), below i'll let the person who as i said, want to help and be there for them. not for me. cause for me just certain person able to do so. That's the privileged I've been given.
Deeply, so sorry bout this writing cause right now actually. I'm having this FCking TH inside of my mind and I really tired bout it. Just wanna you to know. I miss you.. I need you.. I Need your hugs..seriously
Well then, still..keep spread loves, and trust me.. this illness DON'T HAVE FACE.
Assalmualaikum, Salam Sayang.
Here we are again, but 1st!! For M.D.A members, this writting maybe a " TW ". Yet, I'm glad that I've found M.D.A . This time might be a bit tense writting. That thought that I wanna talk about is a " Suicidal Thought ". A thought that familiar with all M.D.A. This one, I would like share bout it.
Recently " That Thought " a.k.a (TH) being with me every hour in my daily. Yea, I know that some of it had every hour, yet every second. I feel you my friends. Really upleasant feelings right? Tired?. yea. I Deeply understand that.
Well, I also feels the same. Feels like wanna " THROW " myself away. Feels like I'm keep burdening everyone aroud me. For me, when TH in the red zone, I'll go to the airport (Kepala Batas), try to put myself back ( Usually falied, trust me FAILED).
Why airport? cause it took me 30 minutes plus to make me to reach Kuala Kedah (The Place I Seek for the best place to THROW myself). People will said that " Eh tak ada iman kaa?, tak ingat tuhan kaa?, ni islam kaa tak? ". Yet some told me that " If you had TH, we're no longer family, kalau macam ni lagi, dah takat sini sahaja ". When I'm at airport, the chances for me to " do it" really damn high.
Sorry to say, but those words will trigger me up to do more " Genius" actions than wise one. This is not the way to coop a person who really facing this type of thing or illness. Trust me, WE DON'T WANT THIS, WE'RE SO TIRED BOUT THIS, WE'RE FIGHTING AS FCUKING AS WE CAN EACH DAY!! EACH DAY!!! NON-STOP!!! in EVERY SECOND in our life.
- As my previous title " Boleh aku rehat ". I briefly told how i feel bout TH. Serioulsy, TH is not a fcking joke to judge that person iman or what. Yet, person who lack of iman will talk without KNOWLEDGE. Please, I'm begging. if its not for me. Please, don't let people who suffer TH let them alone, dump then or left them by themself.
You'll regret bout it. Mental illness is no joke. The last things we wanna do is to kill ourselves. We miss our " Old Self ". For me, I really miss my old me. A person who full with cheers and laugh. Will turn others tears to a smile. But what's the point if myself unable to be happy as well?
I'm not blaming anyone, just please don't take it easy bout TH. Yet, for those who know I'm at the airport without any purpose or just a cover word ' Ambil angin'. Do please don't leave me alone. For you, Yes you. the one who I adore even till now, i try my best to get your heart. Please, you know me, I'd told you how to keep me come, the touch that I need the most day bt day.
Illahi, yaa rabbi..guide us.
For those who really deeply purely ( I Repeat again ), below i'll let the person who as i said, want to help and be there for them. not for me. cause for me just certain person able to do so. That's the privileged I've been given.
Well then, still..keep spread loves, and trust me.. this illness DON'T HAVE FACE.
Assalmualaikum, Salam Sayang.
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