A New BFF
Assalamualikum, Hi,
Salam sayang dari saya. Kembali menulis di sini. Harap semua sihat dan pleasure with love and happiness. Aku tulis ni sebab aku rasa mungkin akan membantu untuk " distract " aku dari benda yang tak perlu aku fikirkan. Mungkin?
So, where should I start? Oh yaa, baru-baru ni aku ada jumpa dengan Sam, En & Syirin, Alhamdulillah mereka good as always.Really glad to see their smile. Means, their true smile. Yup. I really miss my smile. Deeply miss it. I don't know why but I love to see people smile and laughing. Maybe cause I lost all that things in myself. I may have fun, i may enjoyed people around me.
But, deep inside there's someone that talking to my thought and it's not me. Mean, the "REAL" me. let's get this straight. that "voice" inside my head is always remind me of I always create problems to people, always disturb them, and of cause is to commit suicide. Yup. Or let me say " Go kill yourself cause you are troublemaker ". Well, as a doc said that "being alone and lonely is two difference things"-Dr.Glassman.
Oh yea, forgot to introduce my "New BFF". Schizophrenia. Beside aggressive migraine, here's my new BFF. So.. what does his new ability?.Schizophrenia is a mental disorder characterized by abnormal behavior, strange speech and a decreased ability to understand reality. So, there you go. Impressive right?. Well, actually as a person who used to be healthy and fit. Tell me. How am i gonna accept this new thing. Plus Schizo attack is very Uncontrollable
Yea i got it, you still have our beloved and d one and only my true love is "Sang Pencipta". Yet, did you know what it's feel when you having this thing (may refer video below cause exactly what i'm going now)? I'm the one who used to be a cheerful person or should i said "Happy Go Lucky" person. A place who my friends share their problem and alhamdulillah with ALLAH help make them feel better after that.
But the thing is, I'm scared, tired, unacceptable etc. with this new things. That's why on my previous blog post bout "Boleh Aku Berehat?" is the early stage of this schizo things. I share this issue with Sam. but, Sam reactions is like silent death of words. I know it is hard for you bro to see me as i used to and be like this. I feel you bro. For En & Syirin. They keep give me a strength to get up my feet and walk it through.
Well, I may hang out with friends and family, yet also feel the excitement. But while having this great atmosphere, the schizo will come and said " Obviously you're all alone cob and you keep pretending it's all gonna be fine". Just like i said, scared of keep make trouble to people I Need, tired of runaway from this fake smile and losing my sleep definitely. When the attack come, you feel the sorrow in your soul, darkness from your world and yes, feeling to died instead of living. I May early stage, but i really hope that i can make it through it. Cause i trust with no doubt that Allah will test me cause he know what am i capable of. Ins'allah.
Prevent? yes!! the rough of sky. The way to prevent this attack is just always get distract and never stay alone. Deadly Serious, don't be alone. For distraction, i need to do somethings or anything that can distract my mind. Example, hang out with friends. But how you gonna be fine when lepak pon hang rasa ,hang menyusahkan kawan-kawan hang? even hang share pon hang rasa benda tu menyusahkan orang. Senang cakap, apa sahaja yang diri n buat, semua rasa menyusahkan. Yes, even tulis ni untuk bagi baca pun aku rasa menyusahkan even ada yang baca or tak.
Now, we go for second step is "Not being alone". Hah, this one is you cannot seat or be alone in any situation. Anything you do, never let you feel or do alone. Yet, as said just now. Macam mana hang tak boleh dok seorang even ajak / kenai orang pun, akan buat hang rasa benda tu menyusahkan.. Well might said that "it all up on our mind?" yes guys, easy to said but deadly to do it. Aku ni kalau nampak bayang schizo tu mai, konpom aku lari. Tak larat weh, takut weh. Dengan jantung and migraine lagi kena hadap.
But, no worry, i'm struggle to fight this schizo. I'll do it from all my guts and try to find the path from this dark time. Ins'allah. But just wanna to let know that mental illness is fcuking scary deadly things and lack of highlight bout it. Oh yaa, ramai yang cakap schizo ni is gila. But it's different.
Before i go,
here's the video as it, she said truly what is happening to me (Skip to 2.00) . Assalamualaikum.
Credit to : Sinar
Salam sayang dari saya. Kembali menulis di sini. Harap semua sihat dan pleasure with love and happiness. Aku tulis ni sebab aku rasa mungkin akan membantu untuk " distract " aku dari benda yang tak perlu aku fikirkan. Mungkin?
So, where should I start? Oh yaa, baru-baru ni aku ada jumpa dengan Sam, En & Syirin, Alhamdulillah mereka good as always.Really glad to see their smile. Means, their true smile. Yup. I really miss my smile. Deeply miss it. I don't know why but I love to see people smile and laughing. Maybe cause I lost all that things in myself. I may have fun, i may enjoyed people around me.
But, deep inside there's someone that talking to my thought and it's not me. Mean, the "REAL" me. let's get this straight. that "voice" inside my head is always remind me of I always create problems to people, always disturb them, and of cause is to commit suicide. Yup. Or let me say " Go kill yourself cause you are troublemaker ". Well, as a doc said that "being alone and lonely is two difference things"-Dr.Glassman.
Oh yea, forgot to introduce my "New BFF". Schizophrenia. Beside aggressive migraine, here's my new BFF. So.. what does his new ability?.Schizophrenia is a mental disorder characterized by abnormal behavior, strange speech and a decreased ability to understand reality. So, there you go. Impressive right?. Well, actually as a person who used to be healthy and fit. Tell me. How am i gonna accept this new thing. Plus Schizo attack is very Uncontrollable
Yea i got it, you still have our beloved and d one and only my true love is "Sang Pencipta". Yet, did you know what it's feel when you having this thing (may refer video below cause exactly what i'm going now)? I'm the one who used to be a cheerful person or should i said "Happy Go Lucky" person. A place who my friends share their problem and alhamdulillah with ALLAH help make them feel better after that.
But the thing is, I'm scared, tired, unacceptable etc. with this new things. That's why on my previous blog post bout "Boleh Aku Berehat?" is the early stage of this schizo things. I share this issue with Sam. but, Sam reactions is like silent death of words. I know it is hard for you bro to see me as i used to and be like this. I feel you bro. For En & Syirin. They keep give me a strength to get up my feet and walk it through.
Well, I may hang out with friends and family, yet also feel the excitement. But while having this great atmosphere, the schizo will come and said " Obviously you're all alone cob and you keep pretending it's all gonna be fine". Just like i said, scared of keep make trouble to people I Need, tired of runaway from this fake smile and losing my sleep definitely. When the attack come, you feel the sorrow in your soul, darkness from your world and yes, feeling to died instead of living. I May early stage, but i really hope that i can make it through it. Cause i trust with no doubt that Allah will test me cause he know what am i capable of. Ins'allah.
Prevent? yes!! the rough of sky. The way to prevent this attack is just always get distract and never stay alone. Deadly Serious, don't be alone. For distraction, i need to do somethings or anything that can distract my mind. Example, hang out with friends. But how you gonna be fine when lepak pon hang rasa ,hang menyusahkan kawan-kawan hang? even hang share pon hang rasa benda tu menyusahkan orang. Senang cakap, apa sahaja yang diri n buat, semua rasa menyusahkan. Yes, even tulis ni untuk bagi baca pun aku rasa menyusahkan even ada yang baca or tak.
Now, we go for second step is "Not being alone". Hah, this one is you cannot seat or be alone in any situation. Anything you do, never let you feel or do alone. Yet, as said just now. Macam mana hang tak boleh dok seorang even ajak / kenai orang pun, akan buat hang rasa benda tu menyusahkan.. Well might said that "it all up on our mind?" yes guys, easy to said but deadly to do it. Aku ni kalau nampak bayang schizo tu mai, konpom aku lari. Tak larat weh, takut weh. Dengan jantung and migraine lagi kena hadap.
But, no worry, i'm struggle to fight this schizo. I'll do it from all my guts and try to find the path from this dark time. Ins'allah. But just wanna to let know that mental illness is fcuking scary deadly things and lack of highlight bout it. Oh yaa, ramai yang cakap schizo ni is gila. But it's different.
Before i go,
here's the video as it, she said truly what is happening to me (Skip to 2.00) . Assalamualaikum.
Credit to : Sinar
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