Silent Pain
Assalamualikum, Salam sayang.
Salam Jumaat penghulu segala hari. May all in full of love from allah.
Well today is my 3rd day at PMC, still got some time to write in this place where i able to be as clear as water. Well, I'm type of person who love to see or make speope happi and smile. As for me? As I said, my real happiness is when I see the smile from my love one.
A person who have madly intense dont't wanna other people heart hurt. Even a bit. Yet, I'm a man of my word. In my way, I would like to keep it in silent in order don't wanna make others hurt. Yea I know sometime we need to express it right? But person like me ( Trust Issue ), it's hard for me to do so.
I would rather to take it as silent healer to my self. I laught, I smile but most dangerous is when Im' in " Silent Mode a.k.a Zombie Mode ". That time, I've been fighting with my feeling and deeply in pain.YES!!! I need help, I need support and I don't want to fell alone.
Ever since that, I'm tired. Yea, really tired with al this unpleasant and not be appreciate as much effort I 've fought for. Everyday, when I wake up, all inside my mine is " how am I gonna end up myself?, if I'm gone, would they feel the lost or just a statement of " His nothing to us and just let it be ".
All this thought will drive me to the " T.H ". Iwant to be happy, I have a good friends, Good family, good academic result, on paper, everything find. I just, don't know. I don't know. Like Syirin said to me from our met with En also.
" Cob..emotion can fight with emotion ". Thanks syirin & en cause they keep pray for me for the cure. Ins'allah. The best things bout them is, when they 1st saw me that night get out from my car, the 1st things they ask me " Cob..how truely are you? ".
Dem it, my eyes can't lie. LOL!!!Well, for me. You can smile but you forgot that your eyes speak. I can't agree more for that. For those outside there, as usual, even not for me. Please turn around near you, ask them, " How are you?" it just a simple question but its the beginning for a person who had this type of illness to gain them self back.
Mental illness can't bee seen on paper, can't be seen like fever,cold or else. Yet, it is a life threating illness. Guys!!! we're talking about HUMAN LIFE!!!!!!!. This illness is no joke. Cause there's no sign of it.
Keep supporting them. Trust me, they all DYING to find the cure. As for me, I just need my 1st makmum to be with me. Not 24/7 but i just want to see some effort as early we met. But then, i'm still no one.no one.in her heart.
Well, as 3rd day at PMC, still looking for special one to come. But it's okay. i'll be finr (The word of most lie ever). As for me, the more I repeat that I'm fine, naah. I deeply not. Also, even if I want that thing so much, I'll repeat that I don't want it. Hahahaha, I don't know, as for me asking or telling someting bout common sense really not my style. even I want it or make me uneasy with is.
My action or react or typing style is a sign as my feelings.
Gonna take my xanax now due to the heart beat already 167 bpm as now. Yea, still triggered while writing this.
Assalamualaikum, Salam sayang. Keep appreciate people who put you more then themselve.
Salam Jumaat penghulu segala hari. May all in full of love from allah.
Well today is my 3rd day at PMC, still got some time to write in this place where i able to be as clear as water. Well, I'm type of person who love to see or make speope happi and smile. As for me? As I said, my real happiness is when I see the smile from my love one.
A person who have madly intense dont't wanna other people heart hurt. Even a bit. Yet, I'm a man of my word. In my way, I would like to keep it in silent in order don't wanna make others hurt. Yea I know sometime we need to express it right? But person like me ( Trust Issue ), it's hard for me to do so.
I would rather to take it as silent healer to my self. I laught, I smile but most dangerous is when Im' in " Silent Mode a.k.a Zombie Mode ". That time, I've been fighting with my feeling and deeply in pain.YES!!! I need help, I need support and I don't want to fell alone.
Ever since that, I'm tired. Yea, really tired with al this unpleasant and not be appreciate as much effort I 've fought for. Everyday, when I wake up, all inside my mine is " how am I gonna end up myself?, if I'm gone, would they feel the lost or just a statement of " His nothing to us and just let it be ".
All this thought will drive me to the " T.H ". Iwant to be happy, I have a good friends, Good family, good academic result, on paper, everything find. I just, don't know. I don't know. Like Syirin said to me from our met with En also.
" Cob..emotion can fight with emotion ". Thanks syirin & en cause they keep pray for me for the cure. Ins'allah. The best things bout them is, when they 1st saw me that night get out from my car, the 1st things they ask me " Cob..how truely are you? ".
Dem it, my eyes can't lie. LOL!!!Well, for me. You can smile but you forgot that your eyes speak. I can't agree more for that. For those outside there, as usual, even not for me. Please turn around near you, ask them, " How are you?" it just a simple question but its the beginning for a person who had this type of illness to gain them self back.
Mental illness can't bee seen on paper, can't be seen like fever,cold or else. Yet, it is a life threating illness. Guys!!! we're talking about HUMAN LIFE!!!!!!!. This illness is no joke. Cause there's no sign of it.
Keep supporting them. Trust me, they all DYING to find the cure. As for me, I just need my 1st makmum to be with me. Not 24/7 but i just want to see some effort as early we met. But then, i'm still no one.no one.in her heart.
Well, as 3rd day at PMC, still looking for special one to come. But it's okay. i'll be finr (The word of most lie ever). As for me, the more I repeat that I'm fine, naah. I deeply not. Also, even if I want that thing so much, I'll repeat that I don't want it. Hahahaha, I don't know, as for me asking or telling someting bout common sense really not my style. even I want it or make me uneasy with is.
My action or react or typing style is a sign as my feelings.
Gonna take my xanax now due to the heart beat already 167 bpm as now. Yea, still triggered while writing this.
Assalamualaikum, Salam sayang. Keep appreciate people who put you more then themselve.
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